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Music in Motion

So, if you’ve read my previous blog post, you’ll know that I am eternally indebted to The Beatles, beyond any measure of feigned sincerity. They gave me a figurative roof over my head and room and board, beyond any artist, entertainer, or con-man out there. It was primarily The Beatles that led me to what I could do with my time, besides my original goal, designing video games

What The Beatles did for me was to imagine (no pun intended) what it would be like if I tried to form a band addressing the same principles that The Beatles had, or at least tried to uphold. It was then, in the 10th grade, when I started pursuing the idea of writing song lyrics for my presumed future band. It was a way out for me, a way to express my thoughts and feelings, when I would feel uncomfortable, or awkward, doing it any other way.

During that year, I had highly depressive behavior because of all kinds of circumstances, and I felt like everything, and I mean EVERYTHING, was betraying me bit by bit until I could find no sanctuary to hide from my loneliness and anger. Through music and my lyrical muse, I spent a good amount of time working on trying to pre-suppose a new identity for myself that would try to live through the pain.

This band, BTW, would never happen. I eventually learned that I had a very limited voice, even though it is low baritone, and I wasn’t able to retain any instrumentation lessons, nor could I be able to even play a guitar, but I still kept on writing throughout. I would write about loneliness, about conflicts in my life, sometimes politics, commercial relationship kind of numbers, holiday-based ones too. While I really felt like I was going nowhere, what I was writing made me think that I could be going somewhere.

But I never wrote about my impressions of having Asperger’s.

In 2007, my father started singing with a cover band, and by the turn of the decade, they actually had a regular gig. When the owner of an Italian restaurant invited the band to play at a benefit for Autism Speaks. The hostess of the event, a news reporter, learned that I was diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome and I was invited to write and possibly recite a poem about my impressions of Asperger’s at the event. So, I wrote what would become “Misunderstood”. Unfortunately, I didn’t recite it at the event, but it became the first poem on the website of Tony Attwood, a famous Asperger’s expert, which I will always treasure. I’ve gotten a good amount of positive feedback on that poem. It is always good to have a well-liked debut, especially since I’ve written much more about my mental quirks, and more Asperger’s impressions, lately, which really do help as a way to convey what one really feels.

But I’m not the only one. Gary Numan of “Cars” fame, and Craig Nicholls of Australian Rock band “The Vines” have all been quoted as having Asperger’s Syndrome.

Will I ever join them? Who knows? — Merrick Egber